We live in an era that seems designed to keep us in a state of alert. The news arrives without rest. Demands multiply. Important decisions appear earlier and earlier in life and, at the same time, certainties seem increasingly scarce. In the midst of all this, many of us have come to accept anxiety as a habitual, almost inevitable companion.
However, we rarely stop to ask ourselves what exactly it is that we call anxiety. Is it simply fear? Is it worry? Is it insecurity? Or is it something more complex?
Psychologist Elizabeth Díaz proposes a definition as simple as it is revealing: "Anxiety is always maximizing the problem and minimizing our resources."
The phrase seems to contain an uncomfortable truth. When anxiety takes control, we don't necessarily see threats bigger than they are. What happens is that we stop trusting our ability to face them. The problem grows while we make ourselves small.
That is why anxiety rarely deals only with what happens outside. It also speaks of the image we have of ourselves.
From a very young age, we build beliefs about who we are and how capable we are of facing the world. Some are born from our experiences. Others are formed from the messages we receive from important people in our lives. Sometimes a repeated criticism, a constant comparison, or a persistent lack of recognition is enough to sow a doubt that can accompany us for years.
When we are children, challenges tend to be small. Who to sit with on the school bus. Whether we will be accepted by a group of friends. Whether we will do something right or wrong. But when we grow up, decisions take on another dimension: changing careers, starting a relationship, ending one, having children, not having them, becoming independent, starting a project, or daring to change course.
In those moments, the true question that feeds much of the anxiety appears: will I be capable?
It is no coincidence that anxiety often appears precisely in the face of new, uncertain, or important situations. We are not only reacting to the challenge in front of us. We are also reacting to all the stories we have accumulated about our own capabilities.
The interesting thing is that anxiety is not always an enemy.
Elizabeth Díaz differentiates between what she calls a "friendly anxiety" and an "enemy anxiety." The first fulfills a fundamental function. It alerts us to real dangers. It helps us react to situations that require immediate attention. Thanks to it, we can protect ourselves.
The second, on the other hand, operates differently. It is activated in the face of imaginary or exaggerated threats. It keeps the body in a permanent state of vigilance even when there is no real danger.
The consequence is a silent wear and tear.
Our body does not easily distinguish between an immediate physical threat and a threat constructed by our mind. If we live constantly anticipating catastrophes, imagining negative scenarios, or preparing for problems that never arrive, our body remains trapped in a continuous alert.
And that tension ends up manifesting in different ways. Fatigue, insomnia, digestive problems, muscle pains, skin conditions, or breathing difficulties can become signals that something deeper is occurring.
But perhaps one of the most interesting aspects of anxiety is that it doesn't always present itself in an obvious way.
Sometimes it disguises itself.
We believe we are avoiding something due to lack of time, economic reasons, or external circumstances. However, when those barriers disappear, we find new ones.
We postpone a medical appointment because we are busy. When we finally find time, another inconvenience arises. Then another reason to wait a little longer appears. And then another.
Gradually, procrastination becomes a pattern.
That is why Elizabeth Díaz insists on the importance of identifying our triggers. "It is very important for everyone to know their trigger," she notes.
We don't all feel anxiety for the same reasons. For some people, it may be related to body image. For others, with the fear of rejection, failure, the judgment of others, or losing control.
The important thing is not only to recognize that we feel anxiety, but to understand what is feeding it.
Because when we understand the origin of the fear, we also begin to identify possible solutions.
Sometimes the problem is practical and can be resolved with concrete changes. Other times we discover that the true difficulty is not in the external situation, but in the beliefs we carry about ourselves.
That realization can be uncomfortable, but also deeply liberating.
Perhaps that is why one of the most valuable ideas from this conversation has to do with the so-called "shoulds."
You should have a partner.
You should have your own home.
You should earn more money.
You should have reached a certain professional level.
You should be in another place in your life.
"The shoulds are what kill us," Elizabeth Díaz states.
And she is right.
We live surrounded by expectations that often don't even belong to us. They are family, social, or cultural aspirations that we end up adopting as our own. We measure ourselves against other people's calendars. We evaluate our value using parameters designed by others.
Anxiety finds fertile ground precisely there: in the distance between who we are and who we believe we should be.
The paradox is that, the more we try to fulfill impossible expectations, the further we feel from the peace we seek.
So, how do we face anxiety without denying our emotions or pretending everything is fine?
The answer doesn't seem to be in eliminating the fear, but in developing tools to relate better to it.
Throughout the conversation, four especially valuable resources appear.
The first is self-regulation.
Breathing consciously, exercising, practicing meditation, or simply stopping for a few minutes before reacting can help us reduce the level of alert and regain perspective.
The second is preparation.
Often anxiety thrives in empty spaces. When we don't know what to expect, our imagination tends to fill those spaces with negative scenarios. Preparing ourselves for a difficult conversation, a medical consultation, or an important presentation doesn't eliminate uncertainty, but it does strengthen our sense of capability.
The third is intention.
Asking ourselves what we are doing something for can completely transform our experience. When we connect our actions with a broader purpose, we stop focusing exclusively on fear and begin to focus on what we want to build.
And the fourth is self-knowledge.
Each person needs to discover which tools work best for themselves. What calms one person may be useless to another. That is why knowing ourselves is not a luxury. It is a necessity.
As we develop that internal knowledge, we also strengthen something that usually receives less attention: frustration tolerance.
Because no strategy works perfectly all the time.
There will be difficult days. There will be decisions that don't turn out as we expected. There will be moments when, despite our efforts, we will feel fear again.
That does not mean we are going backwards.
It means we are living.
Perhaps the true goal is not to become people immune to anxiety. Maybe it is about something much more realistic and much more human: learning to live with uncertainty without allowing it to govern our decisions.
Anxiety constantly whispers to us that we won't be able to. That we are not ready. That something will go wrong.
But experience proves otherwise.
Most of the time, we end up finding resources we didn't even know we had.
And maybe therein lies one of the most important lessons: we cannot always control what happens around us, but we can learn to trust more in our capacity to respond to it.
This search for greater self-knowledge, emotional well-being, and personal growth is also part of the mission of Yuriyana Club: to accompany women so that they develop tools that allow them to live with greater fullness, confidence, and connection with themselves.
You can find the complementary video to this article here: https://youtu.be/2l-KaJ5HXx4
