Social Pressure and New Narratives
From childhood, we are taught—often without questioning—how we should look, what achievements will make us “successful,” and in what order to reach social milestones. This constant pressure filters into our conversations with friends, leading to comparisons disguised as compliments and comments that undermine confidence. Instead of letting ourselves be dragged along by that script, it’s possible to name the pressure: “I feel like I’m being questioned for not being married yet” or “It’s hard for me to accept that my friend advanced in her career before me.”
“Recognizing the burden we carry allows us to question expectations and turn conversation into a refuge, not a boxing ring,” affirms Yuriyana Club co-founder, Ursula Pfeiffer. By putting these pressures into words, we cease to be nameless victims: we open space for empathy and connection, showing that we are aware of what society tries to impose on us.
Self-Compassion and Self-Knowledge
Comparing ourselves can serve as a stimulus to improve, but it can also become a knot that tightens our self-esteem. Instead of thinking “I am less than her in this aspect,” we can turn our gaze towards what we need to learn to feel fulfilled. Asking ourselves “why do I compare myself among us?” sheds light on hidden insecurities that do not come from friendship, but from external ideals.
Ursula explains: “When we identify the root of our comparison—perhaps a fear of rejection or the belief of not being enough—we can choose to reorient that energy towards our own growth. It’s not about stopping looking at others, but about seeking in our inner history the reason for that gaze.” Recognizing that our worth does not depend on a mirror, but on a personal process, is the first step to freeing ourselves from silent competition.
Celebrating Achievements Without Envy
Applauding a friend’s success without feeling threatened is an essential practice for strengthening bonds. If your friend gets a promotion, express your joy concretely: “I admire your dedication to that project; it inspires me to improve in mine.” Transforming celebration into a bridge that connects us, instead of separating us, turns every achievement into a shared victory.
To achieve this, consider the following:
- Offer detailed congratulations, emphasizing the effort that led to the achievement.
- Ask about the challenges she faced and how she overcame them, showing genuine interest.
- Share your own goals without turning your story into a comparative race.
“Every achievement of your friend does not diminish your own path one iota. If you choose it that way, it is a reason for mutual inspiration,” Ursula assures. When we learn to celebrate without measuring ourselves, we leave behind the shadow of envy.
Redefining Success According to Our Needs
Social standards dictate a list of steps: getting a certain position, marrying before a certain age, looking a certain way. However, only we know what truly fulfills us. Success is not a single mold; it can be a creative project, an inner journey, or building a community.
“Sending the message that ‘having a certain job makes me feel fulfilled’ is reducing profiles. Every path is valid and every personal goal deserves to be respected,” Ursula reflects. Therefore, redefine your own dictionary of success:
- Ask yourself what you are passionate about without comparing it.
- Recognize that a professional goal does not automatically equate to fulfillment.
- Value objectives that involve your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.
When we understand that our happiness is not on the prefabricated list, we can help our friends do the same, building networks of sorority where each individual achievement nurtures the group.
Safe Spaces for Vulnerability
Showing insecurity is not an act of weakness, but an act of courage that strengthens friendship. Ursula suggests thinking of friendship as a “chrysalis”: a place where we can show our doubts without fear of losing our essence. When you confess “Sometimes I feel jealous of your confidence” or “I’m afraid of not being good enough,” you offer your friend the opportunity to respond with empathy, not judgment.
Creating safe spaces implies:
- Inviting to express uncomfortable emotions: “Today I feel insecure with this change.”
- Validating without trying to fix it immediately: “I understand that hurts you; it’s okay to share it.”
- Listening without interrupting, reserving our own experiences for later.
In this way, each friend becomes a witness and ally, sharing the journey of transformation and learning. Ursula comments: “Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is building emotional bridges that last beyond fleeting quarrels.”
Breaking Patterns of Drama Addiction
Sometimes, a friend turns every situation into a novel episode: a skirmish with a partner transforms into a catastrophe script that everyone must witness. This pattern not only exhausts but also hinders personal growth. Recognizing it means identifying the signs: constant autopsies of breakups, emotional escalation of minor details, or gatherings where the only topic is someone else’s drama.
To break that dynamic:
- Observe when the conversation veers into drama: “I’ve noticed we always go back to the same topic of her ex.”
- Plant the seed of change: “Can we talk about something else? I’d like to know how you’re doing with your personal project.”
- Propose a space for joint reflection: read an article or a book that explores emotional intelligence and share your conclusions.
“Using drama as an escape valve can become so routine that we don’t even notice it. Becoming aware of that addiction is the first step,” Ursula points out. When a friend is experiencing it, rather than rekindling the fire, lend a hand towards the search for new horizons.
Counteracting Positive Narcissism and Gaslighting
Some friends, with the best intention, minimize our emotions: “It’s not a big deal, you always dramatize.” This attitude, known as positive narcissism, invisibilizes genuine feelings. In more extreme cases, gaslighting reinterprets our experience, making us doubt what we feel: “I think you imagined it” or “You’re exaggerating.”
To counteract these behaviors:
- Let’s affirm that our emotions are legitimate: “I feel hurt and I need you to listen to me without justifying my pain.”
- Communicate firmly: “I need you to respect my perception; this is affecting me.”
- If the friend persists in invalidating, limit conversations on that topic or take temporary distance: “I prefer not to talk about that situation now.”
“The key is to validate our experience before adopting the other’s interpretation,” Ursula affirms. When we recognize ourselves as experts in our own lives, we mitigate the impact of any manipulation.
Creating Relationships of Reciprocity and Respect
In a healthy friendship, giving and receiving must be balanced. If you are always the one comforting and no one offers you support, wear and tear occurs. To foster reciprocity:
- Arrange joint activities that benefit both, such as a yoga workshop or a community project.
- Propose routines: “Every fortnight, let’s dedicate some time to tell each other what worries us.”
- Celebrate both your triumphs and hers, returning the gesture when the occasion requires it.
Ursula reminds us: “Reciprocity is not exchanging favors out of obligation; it’s feeling that both invest in the relationship. When that flow stops, the friendship tends to wither.”
Benefits of Healthy Female Friendships
It’s not just about companionship: a well-woven network of friends strengthens our mental and physical health. Studies show that feeling seen and valued reduces stress levels and reinforces self-esteem. By sharing challenges, we multiply our resilience and discover that we do not face life alone.
Other advantages:
- Increased longevity: those who maintain strong ties tend to live longer with a better quality of life.
- Greater personal motivation: knowing that someone celebrates our goals pushes us not to give up.
- Support in crises: having an emotional refuge from which to be heard accelerates healing processes.
“A friend who understands you is a treasure for your integral well-being,” Ursula concludes. Investing time in cultivating solid friendships is giving yourself health and fulfillment.
By sowing seeds of sorority—instead of feeding old dynamics of competition—we build a garden of mutual support. Every friend we choose to accompany us ceases to be a potential adversary and becomes an ally in our growth. In that network of trust, we flourish together, celebrating each other’s individuality and unique path.
To delve deeper into these topics, you can watch the full video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/dzfgRBUphhM
