Enriching Love: Keys to Building Healthy and Reciprocal Relationships

What makes a relationship feel like an emotional feast rather than a plate of leftovers? For Javier Echevarría—Peruvian psychologist, actor, and speaker—the answer lies in the combination of three simple pillars: reciprocity, shared goals, and the absence of violence. When these elements are integrated into daily life, the couple becomes a space for mutual growth rather than a territory of deprivation.

Javier defines a nurturing relationship as one in which both partners become better human beings thanks to the bond:

“It’s not just about what you receive; it’s about the inner richness you’re willing to give.”

This exchange requires more than just falling in love. It involves self-knowledge, a willingness to heal wounds, and the ability to co-create the connection both desire.

Recognizing Invisible Obstacles

Many romantic setbacks stem from past wounds that operate unnamed. Those who grew up hearing screams may normalize verbal aggression; those who experienced abandonment may accept crumbs in order not to be alone. Without awareness, these scars sabotage even the best intentions. Javier puts it this way:

“Most of our wounds arose in a relationship and will heal in a relationship: we need the reflection of others to see what we can’t see alone.”

If you identify that your reactions are disproportionate or that you’re repeating painful patterns, that’s the first sign that there’s still inner work to be done. It doesn’t mean waiting to be “healed” before loving; it means entering the relationship willing to observe and adjust your part of the equation.

The Three Non-Negotiable Pillars

1. Reciprocity
Check that the flow of affection flows in both directions. Are you the only one initiating conversations, planning outings, or handling crises? Observe concrete gestures: spontaneous calls, support in daily tasks, interest in your projects. If the balance always tips to the same side, it’s a good idea to talk and restore balance before resentment arises.

2. Common Goals
It’s not enough to love each other; you have to aim in the same direction. Some dream of traveling the world without anchors, others want to build a stable home. Talking about the long term avoids painful surprises. A shared project—growing professionally, saving for a goal, starting a business together—acts as a compass when emotions fluctuate.

3. Nonviolence
Respect is non-negotiable. Physical aggression is obvious, but subtle forms of aggression can also erode: punitive silence, humiliating criticism, controlling social media or finances. Ask yourself if your boundaries are respected and if you respect the other person’s. When signs of abuse appear, stop immediately and, if necessary, seek outside help.

Practices to Co-Create a Healthy Bond

Adopting these pillars is achieved with concrete actions, not just good intentions.

Weekly Expectations Dialogue
Set aside a fixed time to express practical needs (support with tasks, quality time) and emotional needs (listening, physical contact, recognition). Taking notes helps remember agreements and measure progress.

Contribution Self-Audit
Each partner writes down three gestures they offered and three they received during the week. Visualizing the reciprocal response—or lack thereof—motivates immediate adjustments.

Trigger Diary
When an argument sparks intense anger, sadness, or fear, record the situation, your thoughts, and any childhood memories that surface. Sharing this with your partner provides context and fosters empathy.

Red Code Against Violence
Agree on a word or gesture that indicates “I feel violated.” When you say it, both partners agree to pause the conversation and return to it at a calmer moment. This protocol prevents harmful escalations.

Spaces of wings and roots
Roots offer security; wings, freedom. Plan individual activities (sports, friendships, classes) and also couple rituals (weekly dinners, creative projects). Maintaining both spaces reduces the feeling of confinement and strengthens trust.

Detecting Emotional Crumbs

Therapist Shannon Thomas warns against “crumb love”: minimal gestures that barely sustain the relationship. If you find yourself justifying constant delays, broken promises, or conditional affection, review reciprocity. Ask yourself:

  • Am I receiving the basics I offer?
  • Are my emotional needs being treated as a legitimate priority or as an annoyance? If the answer is no and dialogue doesn’t produce changes, perhaps it’s time to close that chapter with dignity.
Self-Knowledge: The Inner Compass

Every attempt to co-create a nurturing love begins with knowing who you are and what you value. Recognize your light—virtues, talents, passions—without underestimating them; identify your shadow—fears, shortcomings, reactions—without feeling ashamed. The clearer your self-image, the less you will depend on external approval and the more authentic your contribution to the relationship will be.

Javier offers a powerful metaphor:

“When you don’t know your light, you remain trapped in someone else’s shadow.”
Connecting with your own clarity prevents you from idolizing others or subordinating yourself to their temperament. Only then can you demand respect without feeling guilty and offer love without feeling empty.

Saying Goodbye When Necessary

Sometimes, the lesson of a relationship lies in learning to let go. If the other person doesn’t share your goals, disregards your boundaries, or refuses to reciprocate, the most loving decision may be to leave. Grief hurts, but it preserves your dignity and opens space for healthier relationships.

A Love Co-Created Day by Day

None of this is achieved overnight. It requires uncomfortable conversations, constant adjustments, and the humility to acknowledge mistakes. However, when both partners uphold the pillars and practice co-creation, the bond becomes a constant source of learning and tenderness.

If you want to delve deeper into these concepts and listen to the full talk with vivid examples and personal experiences, don’t miss the episode with Javier Echevarría on our YouTube channel: https://youtu.be/fZrO6JG3ncU

Practice reciprocity, align your goals, reject any form of violence, and stay curious about your own inner world. With these tools, your next relationship—or the one you’re already in—will have everything it takes to become a truly enriching love.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Shopping Cart
Scroll to Top