Educating about sexuality without fear: confidence, clarity, and respect
Talking about sexuality with children remains an uncomfortable territory for many families. Not because information is lacking—we are surrounded by it—but because there are too many fears: fear of saying too much, of awakening “premature” curiosities, or simply of not knowing how to respond. However, silence does not protect; it only leaves the space free for others—the internet, advertising, peers—to occupy the role that corresponds to us as mothers, fathers, or caregivers.
Psychotherapist Ana María Arizti, a specialist in child and family development, and writer and co-founder of Yuriyana Club, Ursula Pfeiffer, agree that sex education does not begin with adolescence, but with the first questions of childhood. From the moment a child discovers their body, the way we respond shapes their relationship with pleasure, trust, and limits. “If there isn’t a solid relationship between parents and children, talking about these topics becomes almost impossible,” warns Ana María. Building that trust is the foundation of all future conversations.
Talk before silence educates
It seems that the taboo has vanished, but it has only changed form. “Sexuality remains a silenced topic,” explains Ana María, “only disguised as modernity. Children are more exposed than ever, but that doesn’t mean they understand what they see.” Many parents still believe that “there will be time” to talk, without realizing that sexual curiosity begins sooner than expected. “Kids start exploring between nine and twelve years old. If there’s no trust, when we try to talk, they won’t open up to us anymore.”
Ursula confirms this from a cultural perspective: “We still think that sexual initiation occurs at seventeen, but reality shows otherwise. If we don’t accompany them early on, the internet will do it for us.” Information does not replace education; emotional guidance does.
Therefore, more than a specific talk, the conversation about sexuality should be constant, natural, and progressive. It’s not about a prepared speech, but a daily practice.
Trust is built in everyday life
Educating about sexuality does not demand solemnity. Ana María suggests starting with simple gestures: a walk, a conversation after school, a shared ice cream. “A relaxed environment facilitates dialogue. The important thing is not the perfect moment, but the willingness to listen.”
Ursula adds: “If we manage to make the topic not a taboo when they are young, there will be no barriers when they grow up. Difficult conversations become possible when there have been many simple conversations before.”
The key is not to impart lessons, but to keep a reliable communication channel available. Talking with curiosity instead of censorship opens the space for children to talk without fear.
Naming the body is giving it value
One of the first lessons, according to Ana María, is language. “Just as we say eyes or ears, we should say penis, vagina, vulva. Naming the body with precision teaches respect.” Euphemisms do not protect: they confuse.
Ursula complements: “When we replace words with nicknames, we transmit shame. That shame then turns into silence, and silence into ignorance.”
Naming the body correctly not only normalizes the topic: it also prevents abuse. A child who can identify their anatomy clearly has more tools to communicate if something makes them uncomfortable or violates them.
Pleasure is also taught
Talking about sexuality should not focus only on prevention or risk. “Pleasure is part of knowing the body,” explains Ana María. “Children explore and feel pleasure; our reaction should not be one of scandal, but of accompaniment.”
Ursula emphasizes the importance of an adult tone: “An exaggerated reaction leaves a mark of guilt. If curiosity is experienced as a sin, an early disconnection with the body is established.”
Healthy sex education teaches naturalness and also limits. Ana María clarifies: “Self-exploration is normal, but it must be done in private. This way, it is understood that pleasure is legitimate, but also intimate.”
From pleasure to limits: consent begins at home
Understanding the body implies learning to take care of it. “Only you touch your body,” emphasizes Ana María, “and only you decide if someone else can do it.” That simple principle, repeated with clarity, sows the notion of consent.
Ursula expands on this: “Knowing how to say no is not a lesson in defense, but in dignity.” Teaching limits does not seek to instill fear, but to strengthen emotional autonomy.
Talking about consent should not be limited to warnings. It is also about teaching to recognize mutual respect: “If something makes you uncomfortable or someone asks you to keep a secret about it, it’s not okay,” reminds Ana María. Educating about sexuality is teaching to trust intuition and recognize warning signs.
When sex is confused with power
In adolescence, messages become contradictory. On the one hand, popular culture equates sex with acceptance or power; on the other hand, family silence leaves young people without tools to interpret what they see. “Many adolescents confuse closeness with sex because they seek to feel loved,” explains Ana María.
Ursula warns that the media continues to reinforce the myth of the female body as a tool for validation: “In networks and series, female desire appears conditioned by external approval. Teaching the opposite is urgent: real power is in consent, not in seduction.”
Helping to distinguish desire from manipulation is an essential part of affective education. “If someone asks you for something in exchange for affection, it’s not love, it’s control,” summarizes Ana María.
From intimacy to the digital world
In the age of screens, exposure has become a daily risk. “Sexting and intimate photos must be talked about without fear,” states Ana María. “Once an image is sent, it stops being yours.”
Ursula reinforces this idea: “A message or a photo, once it leaves your hands, ceases to be private. Digital intimacy is not real intimacy.”
Therefore, educating also means teaching to distinguish between authentic connection and superficial validation. “A person’s worth is not measured in likes,” reminds Ana María, “but in the quality of their bonds.”
Sexuality, responsibility, and care
Talking about pleasure and consent also implies talking about prevention. “The condom remains the only method that protects against both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections,” explains Ana María. “We should not wait for a crisis to teach responsibility.”
Ursula complements: “Love is not demonstrated by giving up care. If someone asks you not to use protection, that’s not trust: it’s selfishness.”
The conversation about prevention does not anticipate sexual behavior; it prepares for conscious and safe decisions.
Raising without fear, educating with confidence
Educating about sexuality does not mean talking only about sex, but about respect, autonomy, and self-love. Ana María summarizes it this way: “To have a healthy sexual life, we need to grow up without myths or taboos. But for that, parents must first work on ourselves.”
Ursula agrees: “Our children’s trust begins with our own comfort in talking about the topic. If we want them to come to us, we must be the first space where they find understanding, not judgment.”
Talking clearly does not destroy innocence; it protects it. Silence, on the other hand, leaves it defenseless.
Watch the complementary episode “Breaking Taboos with Ana María Arizti: A Practical Guide to Talking About Sexuality with Your Children” on our YouTube channel: https://youtu.be/0n-Jmgl2Z1k
